Put Some "Big Pony" On You.

Got your attention now, haven't we? And before your mind goes to a dark place, no, "Big Pony" isn't something you go see in Tijuana with your bros and then never speak of again. Its the newest man-fragrance by Ralph Lauren.

All the pretension you would expect from a major label clothing designer comes neatly packaged with this television spot. There are beautiful model people wearing crisp, multicolored polos with the collars popped and looking off into the distance pensively at...well, at nothing. They drive vintage cars you'd never find anyone their age driving in the real world. Their girlfriends all look kind of hungry.

There are in fact four new fragrances to try from Ralph, all a part of this dubiously-named collection. We actually took the time to smell them all, because here at TIA we refuse to make uninformed decisions and have a staunch commitment to the truth. Or we just saw them while walking around Macy's and got curious. Whichever. The point is, three of the four smell remarkably similar to each other. As in exactly the same.

One thing that threw us for a loop is that the commercial uses the single, "Secrets" by the band OneRepublic as its official song. Maybe its just us, but when we're enjoying some OneRepublic coming through our trendy white earbuds, it does not immediately conjure images of dudes playing polo on horseback. Or dancing in blazers. But what do we know; we're poor people.

Really though what we've just told you with all that blathering on could have been said in the two simple words of one YouTube user: "unbelievable douchebaggery." What do you think reader, is this ad art or pretentious garbage? View and decide below.

Mayhem Is Going To Get You. After It Gets Your Children.

Imagine, if you will, a man. A scary man in a black suit. This man-this entity-loves causing vehicle-related chaos wherever he goes, and no one's car is safe. Have you run screaming in horror to check YOUR car yet? You should. Because Mayhem is coming, and he feels no remorse.

Such is the premise of a new series of frankly brilliant commercials just aired by Allstate insurance company. The ads follow the darkly comedic exploits of Mayhem personified in the form of actor Dean Winters (most notably famous for his work on the HBO drama "Oz").

This central idea is a refreshingly original way of catching people's attention, making them laugh, and (in an ever so subtle way) scaring the hell out of them so they buy your insurance services.

Our favorite scenarios by far are the teenage girl recklessly driving her pink suburban tank into someone else's car (OMG!) and the malicious windstorm. Both things/people narrated by Mayhem in his gravelly, film-noir voice; adding to the surreality and making the situation that much funnier.

Winters is perfectly cast in the role. He sells the character's evil nature seemingly without effort, waggling his eyebrows at the viewer and cackling after getting hit with a car or rear-ended. Mayhem also retains the scrapes and bruises he sustains in each accident from commercial to commercial, adding a sort of continuity to the whole thing.

Overall, our verdict is that we much prefer this new, more frightening gentleman over the guy from The Unit. He was nice and everything, but did anyone ever see him drop a tree branch on a car? Or jog with a sexy headband? The answer to that riddle is no, Billy.

P.S. we know that our last post was only two days ago, but we're trying to make up for all the times we haven't been there in your life, reader, so we thought we'd try and post a little more often. Don't expect it to become a regular thing though. The zombie concubine cosmonauts could find us any minute. Ad is posted below.

Tugging On Your Heartstrings? There's An App For That.

To the delight of geeks and pretentious dill-holes around the world, the iPhone 4 was recently released by Apple, with a sturdy new construction born of the fires of Mount Doom.

In spite of the fact that nothing is really needed to sell the technological yay-o that is Apple products, Mr. Steve Jobs (in all of his black-turtlenecked spookiness) has had his ad people come up with a campaign that gets all up in there with a warm and fuzzy feeling.

We do have to begrudgingly give Apple credit for possessing the uncanny ability to maximize the emotional impact of a thirty second commercial. The scenes depicted range from a grandfather laying eyes on his newborn grandson from (presumably) miles away to a cutesy exchange between a young couple after her new haircut.

The centerpiece of this campaign is the iPhone's "facetime" feature, which utilizes the phone's new front camera to provide a mobile "skype"-esque experience.

If we were less classy journalists, we'd make a joke here about, say, ATT dropping the call before granddad even gets to see little junior. However, we're better than that. You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking we'd stoop so low.

The most obvious reason that these commercials have so much appeal is that they are specifically designed to skew wide and hit home with a varied audience. The actors are diverse in both age and race, and the scenes shown seem plucked right out of your life. Or the life of someone you know. Because you have friends. We swear we typed that with a straight face.

On an unrelated note, a quick follow-up on our geriatric sleeper cell story of an earlier post. We invite you to look at most of the U.S. Congress. Enough said. Be ready.

While we do concede that Apple's ads are expertly crafted and affective, the eternal question of whether or not the blatant emotional manipulation present in them is ethical still exists. We invite you to comment on the issue as always, dear reader. One of the ads is posted below.

Respect Your Elders, or Get Jacked In The Neck With A Taser.

We recently happened to catch quite a comedic gem in the form of a Doritos commercial on the old idiot box a few days ago.

The commercial serves to illustrate exactly why old people make the perfect assassins. You never see the death blow coming, because who would ever expect it from the sweet old man behind you in the vending machine line?

We've actually been convinced for quite some time that there is a network of geriatric sleeper agents being place in key societal positions, and said network will eventually execute a coup of the government if we don't act now. More on this story as it develops.

But we digress. Frito Lay's Doritos ads have been, in our opinion, consistently funny over the last couple of years. If you've seen their Super Bowl spots, you already know that they focus in large part on random and unexpected comedy to sell their product (a la "snack attack samurai" and the infamous "mousetrap" commercial).

If slapstick isn't your bag (baby), you might not find these ads funny at all. And you're a horrible person. However, if you do, the "old man" advertisement is posted below for you to watch over and over again.

You're Not Just You...You're A Powerful Transmitter.

Verizon has made its way back into Truth In Advertising's airspace, so to speak, with their new television ads and slogan.

The concept centers around the individual as "transmitter;" one who can wield the force of the mysterious "signal" that cannot be overcome or shut down by the man, man. It has that "we will not be silenced" vibe that goes over so well with today's youth. The new slogan to back up this concept is "rule the air."

Now you're not just talking to Jenny on the phone for five hours about nothing, you're utilizing the signal. And if your parents don't understand that, well they're just way too square. You're not sending texts messages riddled with annoying, unintelligible abbreviations: you are laying the groundwork for the revolution! Viva la resistance!

Verizon has made their newest campaign more than sufficiently eye-catching with all the satellite dishes popping out of buildings and celebrity guest spots (in one of their ads, the actress who plays Emily Lightman on the Fox drama Lie To Me makes an appearance...are we weird for noticing that?).

Really though it appears to be the tried and true concept of attaching unrealistic importance to the individual-making every Verizon user feel like a unique little snowflake-in a pretty, pretty wrapper.

But as we're not in favor of controlling people's minds, we'll let you decide what you think for yourself. Genius and inspirational or manipulative and despicable? Ad is posted below.

P.S. sorry our posting has been so sporadic. Our headquarters were recently laid to waste by zombie concubine cosmonauts. We're doing what we can. Just kidding, we're just really lazy.

5 Hour Evil.

The atmosphere was beginning to get a little too happy around here, so we decided to focus on an advertisement that's made us a little angry.

To their credit, the five hour energy spots have progressed to become slightly less annoying of late. If any of our readers have seen the earlier commercials, you know what we're talking about. The guy in a leather jacket that looks like some kind of James Dean/Springsteen hybrid reject from the 80s that comes walking out of the elevator. The people around him with the incredible acting prowess to act impressed without laughing.

You'd think that if "millions of people are choosing five hour energy every day," they could afford higher production quality. The setting for the newer commercials is also always an office environment, and the spokesperson is always clad in a blue-collared shirt. Five hour energy knows the common man's struggle...to stay awake.

The makers of five hour energy claim that it gives you lasting energy without a crash. Asterisk. without a SUGAR crash. The supplement does have as much caffeine as a cup of regular coffee, according to the fine print, so a caffeine crash is possible.

The bottle actually advises you to take it on an empty stomach for best results as well, and if the reviewers at screamingenergy.com are to be believed (its a little hard to with a url like that), there really is no crash later.

Unless you're an espresso junkie, we wouldn't recommend the whole empty stomach thing. The supplement contains a potentially unhealthy amount of B-vitamins and you might stroke out. Strokes are bad. We're just saying.

What're You Doing Selling Cable, Mr. Hummel?

Yes the new spokesman for Time Warner cable may look awfully familiar to some of us. Its actor Mike O'Malley; famous notably for his role on the television sitcom "Yes, Dear" and, more recently, as Burt Hummel on Fox's new comedy Glee.

While O'Malley displays a more serious side on Glee (quite well, we may add), he's sticking to his comedic roots in these commercials. The cable giant has chosen not to focus so much on the services provided as on creating an atmosphere of congeniality with light humor and mischievous digs at Verizon, Time Warner's main competitor.

In order to bring that feeling to their tv spots, Time Warner successfully picked a spokesperson with an "everyman" feel to him; O'Malley skillfully sells himself as a relatable guy you'd probably like to hang out and have a beer with some afternoon. When he empirically proves that Verizon hates puppies in a particularly funny ad, one is inclined to believe him.

All in all, these promotions seem to do a good job of projecting a harmless and congenial image and connecting that image to their product. Whether or not the product actually lives up to that image is in question, if the raging YouTube debate between Time Warner and Fios customers with nothing better to do is any indication.

As making up one's own mind is often the best course, one of the ads is posted below for your purview and analysis. Get a dictionary, we'll wait.