"Cue the tables. Cue the chairs. Cue the crowd. Cue the lights. Cue the bar. Cue the..." It goes on, and on, and on, until you forget you're watching a thirty second commercial and slowly begin to slip into madness. The kind of madness that occurs when a word is said so many times, it loses its meaning and begins to sound strange despite a lifetime of use (seriously, say "floor" about fifty times and see if you don't start having an existential crisis).
Yes, like a denizen of outer space that only has fragmented images of Broadway as a guide to understanding our culture, the new Jose Cuervo tequila ads find it necessary to "cue" everything. Oh, they did that because the word "cue" is already in the product title? Genius.
Snappy wordplay aside, there's another reason entirely that this campaign rubs us the wrong way like coarse-grade sandpaper. It follows the time-honored alcohol advertisement tradition of depicting the "good time" had by all when you're out pouring it into your head. That (and the cake) is, more often that not, a lie. We're not all pretty, trendy white kids that live within walking distance of high-end bars and pretentious loft apartments, either. And if we were, we wouldn't drink Jose Cuervo.
In reality, we figure the voice-over would be something more like: "Cue the skeevy dive bar. A few shots later, cue the meth-addled hooker you'd never normally talk to. Cue the cab ride back to her place. Cue waking up to a pretty damn awkward breakfast on skid row. Cue the Cuervo."
Alright, so it probably wouldn't be that bad, but we think you can see what we're trying to infer. If you don't go out and drink Cuervo tonight, reader, rest assured that you probably won't be missing out on the The Greatest Night of Your Life. We hope that helps you collectively breathe a little easier.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Lightning In A Bottle.
Guess who's back. Back again. Blog is back. But, don't tell a friend; no one knows we're staying here and we'd like to keep it that way for a while. Low pro kid, low pro. But methinks we doth digress too much.
With this entry we've decided to continue the trend we began in our last post of looking at, well, trends in the advertising world. Perhaps we should explain that by "trend" we mean that we've noticed a similarity in subject matter across the ad spectrum, from eyeglasses to soda: it seems that it has become very desirable to pair one's product with the nebulous force of "creativity." Specifically, to imply that one's product is the secret to unlocking said force.
It can be found in any medium: a poster for Oakley's prescription eyeglasses adorning a Lenscrafters wall reads, "Perform beautifully." Pictured is a female musician standing in front of a microphone, wearing a pair of Oakley specs. A television ad for Sprite brand soda depicts a conglomeration of ideas bombarding a screenwriter after he takes a sip of the soda. The slogan? "Its the spark." The implication is glaringly obvious.
Why is it that a large portion of Americans seem to respond more to a product if its endorsed by celebrities in the creative field, particularly actors or musicians? Why is it that we apparently want to be so much like them, or rather that they are depicted as the ideal? Is it because they seem to us to be the more successful people in our society, because they've achieved a high level of monetary gain while simultaneously remaining free of the Man, man? Is that actually true?
There's nothing wrong with being in the creative field, if you have the talent for it (although the definition of talent lately could be called dubious in large part), but why do we have "celebrities" endorsing every product? Why not scientists or authors or the like, if the product or charity or whatever this week's cause is merits that? They are also creators, though not in the sense that has become mainstream. What we have now in where society sees fit to place reverence or respect seems to be the equivalent of someone defining "culture" as being merely music and food.
Read it, digest it, and don't get gas from it, fantastic people. It does your body good, without that annoying mustache. Let us know your take on it, and we'll do our best to respond promptly and foster discussion. Some examples we've seen on television are posted below.
Sprite "spark" ad:
Diet Coke ad:
With this entry we've decided to continue the trend we began in our last post of looking at, well, trends in the advertising world. Perhaps we should explain that by "trend" we mean that we've noticed a similarity in subject matter across the ad spectrum, from eyeglasses to soda: it seems that it has become very desirable to pair one's product with the nebulous force of "creativity." Specifically, to imply that one's product is the secret to unlocking said force.
It can be found in any medium: a poster for Oakley's prescription eyeglasses adorning a Lenscrafters wall reads, "Perform beautifully." Pictured is a female musician standing in front of a microphone, wearing a pair of Oakley specs. A television ad for Sprite brand soda depicts a conglomeration of ideas bombarding a screenwriter after he takes a sip of the soda. The slogan? "Its the spark." The implication is glaringly obvious.
Why is it that a large portion of Americans seem to respond more to a product if its endorsed by celebrities in the creative field, particularly actors or musicians? Why is it that we apparently want to be so much like them, or rather that they are depicted as the ideal? Is it because they seem to us to be the more successful people in our society, because they've achieved a high level of monetary gain while simultaneously remaining free of the Man, man? Is that actually true?
There's nothing wrong with being in the creative field, if you have the talent for it (although the definition of talent lately could be called dubious in large part), but why do we have "celebrities" endorsing every product? Why not scientists or authors or the like, if the product or charity or whatever this week's cause is merits that? They are also creators, though not in the sense that has become mainstream. What we have now in where society sees fit to place reverence or respect seems to be the equivalent of someone defining "culture" as being merely music and food.
Read it, digest it, and don't get gas from it, fantastic people. It does your body good, without that annoying mustache. Let us know your take on it, and we'll do our best to respond promptly and foster discussion. Some examples we've seen on television are posted below.
Sprite "spark" ad:
Diet Coke ad:
Friday, April 1, 2011
Those Poor, Overused Words.
Hello again readers! Fret not, for we are back with more advertising-themed, bloggy goodness for you to waste roughly five minutes reading! We had to take a brief hiatus due to circumstances beyond our control, namely the relocating of headquarters, and we know you missed us. We missed you too. All eight of you. Seriously, we came this close to perching on a tree branch outside your window.
But alas, the memory of that restraining order is still too clear in our minds. Moving on, we thought it would be interesting to put just a slight twist on TIA this week and discuss not an advertisement, but a trend within them that has attracted our notice. And our ire.
Readers, have you ever noticed how often certain words are used in advertisements across every medium? Words like: revolutionary, natural, all-new, active, and organic? Or how about pseudo-scientific titles and phrases like, "active naturals" or "dynamic inertia?" It seems that the very language of the marketing world is designed to misdirect and cloud. And that apparently the powers that be in said world believe us too stupid to see this.
Granted, most of the words and phrases used are very subtle, and often subconsciously reinforced by the imagery of the ad. For example, some people wearing lab coats in the newest "anti-aging" cream television spot. Or how about the sound of a car engine to illustrate the new Benz's power on a radio ad, shooting an image into your brain of driving it down some windy mountain road?
However, it takes only a little closer look at the fine print to discern that you're not actually getting a great deal on that new car after all. You know the fast-talking lawyer at the end of every car advert? We think he should just say "blahblahblahblah everythingwetoldyouwasalie." Its simpler.
As long as we're talking about expensive machines, are we alone in the assumption that the more expensive the product, the more convoluted the smokescreen? The newest shampoo doesn't come with the commitment of an annual contract, so there's markedly less deception. By no means none, just less. The way things are worded -forty dollars a month for the first year, qualified lessees with tier one credit- is designed to skirt the issue that you're dropping some serious coin while most likely becoming locked into a difficult, long-term contract. Let us know your thoughts, or share any examples of this you've noticed.
These are the kinds of things we think about while we're away from you, dear readers. Let us know your thoughts, or share any examples of this you've noticed. We'd love to read them. Its the closest thing to human interaction we get, since you haven't returned any of our phone calls asking to go out for coffee...
Friday, March 18, 2011
If Your Dog Is Fat...F*ck You.
We hear people say all the time that our nation has a problem with obesity. Those people are usually hipsters, Al Gore, or Morgan Spurlock, but this may just prove it. Dear and cherished readers, we give you...a weight loss program for your dog.
The tireless minds at Hill Science Diet pet food have indeed come up with a new 30-day plan to help your pet lose weight and get healthier. They've even teamed up with actress Alison Sweeney (of The Biggest Loser and Days of Our Lives fame) to boost their image, perhaps hoping that people will take her current gig hosting the weight loss reality show as expertise of some kind.
Hill's web page for the product extolls the virtues of its plan through the use of portion control and small snack biscuits to keep your pet "satisfied" between meals. As we sat there, eyes agog and mouth hanging open, we had to wonder: what have we come to if we need portion control for. Our. Dogs.
Here's a novel thought: if your dog is fat, take it for a walk. Or better yet, a run. Pets need exercise. A lot of it. We were under the impression that was one of the first things one learns when they get their first dog as a bright-eyed child. Feed it regularly, make sure it goes to the bathroom outside, and WALK IT.
It would appear, however, that people would rather hemorrhage money buying expensive "plans" for their dog than take it on a walk every once in a while. Not really surprising, given the fact that some humans would rather undergo major surgery than attempt lifestyle changes that require a modicum of discipline (note: we are not saying that everyone that goes out to get the lap band and/or gastric bypass surgery is lazy. we realize there is sometimes no alternative. now cue the "the more you know" star and get out of our faces).
What's your take readers? You know we love hearing from you. You never call. You never write. We're just a little worried.
The tireless minds at Hill Science Diet pet food have indeed come up with a new 30-day plan to help your pet lose weight and get healthier. They've even teamed up with actress Alison Sweeney (of The Biggest Loser and Days of Our Lives fame) to boost their image, perhaps hoping that people will take her current gig hosting the weight loss reality show as expertise of some kind.
Hill's web page for the product extolls the virtues of its plan through the use of portion control and small snack biscuits to keep your pet "satisfied" between meals. As we sat there, eyes agog and mouth hanging open, we had to wonder: what have we come to if we need portion control for. Our. Dogs.
Here's a novel thought: if your dog is fat, take it for a walk. Or better yet, a run. Pets need exercise. A lot of it. We were under the impression that was one of the first things one learns when they get their first dog as a bright-eyed child. Feed it regularly, make sure it goes to the bathroom outside, and WALK IT.
It would appear, however, that people would rather hemorrhage money buying expensive "plans" for their dog than take it on a walk every once in a while. Not really surprising, given the fact that some humans would rather undergo major surgery than attempt lifestyle changes that require a modicum of discipline (note: we are not saying that everyone that goes out to get the lap band and/or gastric bypass surgery is lazy. we realize there is sometimes no alternative. now cue the "the more you know" star and get out of our faces).
What's your take readers? You know we love hearing from you. You never call. You never write. We're just a little worried.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
When The Pigs Try To Get At You...Drink A Soda.
Summer is coming. The air is getting warmer, the days are getting longer, and if you live near the coast, the freaks are coming out. Specifically, the Sun Drop chick.
Yes, the mascot of this citrus-tastic beverage looks like she moonwalked directly out of Napoleon Dynamite and onto your screen, and she's "droppin' it" across the nation. Honestly, when we saw this woman we knew not whether to laugh or cry...we were mesmerized.
Which isn't surprising given that the whole advert goes for that head-scratchingly random vibe we've become increasingly familiar with lately. Exhibit A: random dancing everywhere from a yoga class to a fishing boat. Some differences stand out though.
For one thing, Sun Drop chick just seems super friendly, which makes no sense considering the extremely provocative dance she's doing. If she backed it up next to our car window, we'd try to give her a hug. And she'd probably let us. Probably. Another thing on the less positive side: the voiceover actor for this commercial sounds like the bastard child of Tracy Morgan and Marlon Brando in The Godfather; pretty much Tracy Morgan with a mouthful of marbles. That makes us angry.
Now, this is a recent commercial we have seen only moments ago, yet it has already become something of a sensation, spawning a Mountain Dew parody and other spoof videos on YouTube. Another thing to pop in the "revelations" file: this soda has wet the whistles of people in the good ol' souf' since the 50s y'all. It was only released nationally this year.
We haven't tasted it yet, so we'll withhold judgement, but our guess is it tastes like Sprite. Or Slice. Or 7Up. Or Sierra Mist. Just a guess.
Yes, the mascot of this citrus-tastic beverage looks like she moonwalked directly out of Napoleon Dynamite and onto your screen, and she's "droppin' it" across the nation. Honestly, when we saw this woman we knew not whether to laugh or cry...we were mesmerized.
Which isn't surprising given that the whole advert goes for that head-scratchingly random vibe we've become increasingly familiar with lately. Exhibit A: random dancing everywhere from a yoga class to a fishing boat. Some differences stand out though.
For one thing, Sun Drop chick just seems super friendly, which makes no sense considering the extremely provocative dance she's doing. If she backed it up next to our car window, we'd try to give her a hug. And she'd probably let us. Probably. Another thing on the less positive side: the voiceover actor for this commercial sounds like the bastard child of Tracy Morgan and Marlon Brando in The Godfather; pretty much Tracy Morgan with a mouthful of marbles. That makes us angry.
Now, this is a recent commercial we have seen only moments ago, yet it has already become something of a sensation, spawning a Mountain Dew parody and other spoof videos on YouTube. Another thing to pop in the "revelations" file: this soda has wet the whistles of people in the good ol' souf' since the 50s y'all. It was only released nationally this year.
We haven't tasted it yet, so we'll withhold judgement, but our guess is it tastes like Sprite. Or Slice. Or 7Up. Or Sierra Mist. Just a guess.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
STELLAAAAA!!!!
So this incredibly French thirty seconds of screen has been around since the most recent Super Bowl. In fact, we believe it won recognition in the "most irritatingly like an art house short" category.
Adrian Brody, continuing a trend of increasingly random celebrity cameos in advertising, plays a suave jazz singer in a French bar, serenading the ladies. We weren't exactly sold either. We love you, Adrian, and have nothing against you as an actor, but it seems more likely that all those attractive young woman are weeping because your nose caught them in the eye.
All those poor, disappointed nose-bludgeoning victims realize they were alas not the object of Brody's affections when it is revealed that the whole time, he was singing about his empty beer glass. Once again, that delicate balance between funny and facepalm has been tipped toward the wrong end.
We begrudgingly award Stella Artois points for originality, and will say that there is some refreshment garnered from a beer ad in which no one tries to sell "here we go" as a catchphrase and no overt sexual innuendo is hurled at the viewer. The ad also has a polished look to it, with a muted color scheme and artsy camerawork.
Final verdict: keep trying, Stella. Every time we see that name, we want to scream it as loud as we can outside, over and over again, wearing a dirty white tank top. Maybe its just us?
Adrian Brody, continuing a trend of increasingly random celebrity cameos in advertising, plays a suave jazz singer in a French bar, serenading the ladies. We weren't exactly sold either. We love you, Adrian, and have nothing against you as an actor, but it seems more likely that all those attractive young woman are weeping because your nose caught them in the eye.
All those poor, disappointed nose-bludgeoning victims realize they were alas not the object of Brody's affections when it is revealed that the whole time, he was singing about his empty beer glass. Once again, that delicate balance between funny and facepalm has been tipped toward the wrong end.
We begrudgingly award Stella Artois points for originality, and will say that there is some refreshment garnered from a beer ad in which no one tries to sell "here we go" as a catchphrase and no overt sexual innuendo is hurled at the viewer. The ad also has a polished look to it, with a muted color scheme and artsy camerawork.
Final verdict: keep trying, Stella. Every time we see that name, we want to scream it as loud as we can outside, over and over again, wearing a dirty white tank top. Maybe its just us?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Super B-A-R-F.
A nuclear bomb of schmaltz. That is the only way we can begin to describe the newest commercials Old Navy has begun airing on television screens across America. One of them has the fictional girl-group stars of the ad singing a little ditty called, "Welcome To The Ankle Show." The other features a Kim Kardashian look-alike singing a song about being, "super c-u-t-e," whatever she may be doing. We're not kidding.
"The ankle show" is by far the more ridiculous of the two. The entire 30-second song is a failed attempt to sexify the ankle. We'd like to ask the people at Old Navy: have you looked closely at an ankle? Its the least sexy part of the leg. Perhaps of the entire body. Its weird. Its knobby. Its not provocative at all, unless the definition of the word has reverted to what it was in the 17th century. "I say, Wentworth, that willful harridan is running around with exposed ankles! Good lord, get the constable post-haste!"
There's campy done right, and then there's this. No one reined it in, and now its out of control and kicking people in the metaphorical head. With metaphorical, campy-ass, horseshoed hooves.
We struggle to comprehend why some companies like to make such corniness their standard. Sure, it sticks in the memory, but if it were up to us, we'd rather be remembered for wit or poignancy in advertising than boring into people's minds with unbelievable, corny corn. Little, yellow, evil kernels of it. Its worse than candy corn.
In sum, these spots are all flash and no substance. Garishly so. Oh, and that DJ in the "ankle show" commercial looks like a 5th Element reject. Think about that.
"The ankle show" is by far the more ridiculous of the two. The entire 30-second song is a failed attempt to sexify the ankle. We'd like to ask the people at Old Navy: have you looked closely at an ankle? Its the least sexy part of the leg. Perhaps of the entire body. Its weird. Its knobby. Its not provocative at all, unless the definition of the word has reverted to what it was in the 17th century. "I say, Wentworth, that willful harridan is running around with exposed ankles! Good lord, get the constable post-haste!"
There's campy done right, and then there's this. No one reined it in, and now its out of control and kicking people in the metaphorical head. With metaphorical, campy-ass, horseshoed hooves.
We struggle to comprehend why some companies like to make such corniness their standard. Sure, it sticks in the memory, but if it were up to us, we'd rather be remembered for wit or poignancy in advertising than boring into people's minds with unbelievable, corny corn. Little, yellow, evil kernels of it. Its worse than candy corn.
In sum, these spots are all flash and no substance. Garishly so. Oh, and that DJ in the "ankle show" commercial looks like a 5th Element reject. Think about that.
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