If Your Dog Is Fat...F*ck You.

We hear people say all the time that our nation has a problem with obesity. Those people are usually hipsters, Al Gore, or Morgan Spurlock, but this may just prove it. Dear and cherished readers, we give you...a weight loss program for your dog.

The tireless minds at Hill Science Diet pet food have indeed come up with a new 30-day plan to help your pet lose weight and get healthier. They've even teamed up with actress Alison Sweeney (of The Biggest Loser and Days of Our Lives fame) to boost their image, perhaps hoping that people will take her current gig hosting the weight loss reality show as expertise of some kind.

Hill's web page for the product extolls the virtues of its plan through the use of portion control and small snack biscuits to keep your pet "satisfied" between meals. As we sat there, eyes agog and mouth hanging open, we had to wonder: what have we come to if we need portion control for. Our. Dogs.

Here's a novel thought: if your dog is fat, take it for a walk. Or better yet, a run. Pets need exercise. A lot of it. We were under the impression that was one of the first things one learns when they get their first dog as a bright-eyed child. Feed it regularly, make sure it goes to the bathroom outside, and WALK IT.

It would appear, however, that people would rather hemorrhage money buying expensive "plans" for their dog than take it on a walk every once in a while. Not really surprising, given the fact that some humans would rather undergo major surgery than attempt lifestyle changes that require a modicum of discipline (note: we are not saying that everyone that goes out to get the lap band and/or gastric bypass surgery is lazy. we realize there is sometimes no alternative. now cue the "the more you know" star and get out of our faces).

What's your take readers? You know we love hearing from you. You never call. You never write. We're just a little worried.