You're Not Just You...You're A Powerful Transmitter.

Verizon has made its way back into Truth In Advertising's airspace, so to speak, with their new television ads and slogan.

The concept centers around the individual as "transmitter;" one who can wield the force of the mysterious "signal" that cannot be overcome or shut down by the man, man. It has that "we will not be silenced" vibe that goes over so well with today's youth. The new slogan to back up this concept is "rule the air."

Now you're not just talking to Jenny on the phone for five hours about nothing, you're utilizing the signal. And if your parents don't understand that, well they're just way too square. You're not sending texts messages riddled with annoying, unintelligible abbreviations: you are laying the groundwork for the revolution! Viva la resistance!

Verizon has made their newest campaign more than sufficiently eye-catching with all the satellite dishes popping out of buildings and celebrity guest spots (in one of their ads, the actress who plays Emily Lightman on the Fox drama Lie To Me makes an appearance...are we weird for noticing that?).

Really though it appears to be the tried and true concept of attaching unrealistic importance to the individual-making every Verizon user feel like a unique little snowflake-in a pretty, pretty wrapper.

But as we're not in favor of controlling people's minds, we'll let you decide what you think for yourself. Genius and inspirational or manipulative and despicable? Ad is posted below.

P.S. sorry our posting has been so sporadic. Our headquarters were recently laid to waste by zombie concubine cosmonauts. We're doing what we can. Just kidding, we're just really lazy.

5 Hour Evil.

The atmosphere was beginning to get a little too happy around here, so we decided to focus on an advertisement that's made us a little angry.

To their credit, the five hour energy spots have progressed to become slightly less annoying of late. If any of our readers have seen the earlier commercials, you know what we're talking about. The guy in a leather jacket that looks like some kind of James Dean/Springsteen hybrid reject from the 80s that comes walking out of the elevator. The people around him with the incredible acting prowess to act impressed without laughing.

You'd think that if "millions of people are choosing five hour energy every day," they could afford higher production quality. The setting for the newer commercials is also always an office environment, and the spokesperson is always clad in a blue-collared shirt. Five hour energy knows the common man's struggle...to stay awake.

The makers of five hour energy claim that it gives you lasting energy without a crash. Asterisk. without a SUGAR crash. The supplement does have as much caffeine as a cup of regular coffee, according to the fine print, so a caffeine crash is possible.

The bottle actually advises you to take it on an empty stomach for best results as well, and if the reviewers at screamingenergy.com are to be believed (its a little hard to with a url like that), there really is no crash later.

Unless you're an espresso junkie, we wouldn't recommend the whole empty stomach thing. The supplement contains a potentially unhealthy amount of B-vitamins and you might stroke out. Strokes are bad. We're just saying.