Four Times The Douche.

Look here Taco Bell, it isn't bad enough that you pump deadly, deadly fast food through the collective veins of a defenseless America; you have to assault our eyeballs with this as well? Not to mention our ears. Ever since we caught the ad for the new bovine infarction (excuse us, "quad steak") burrito, we've had its ridiculous jingle stuck in our heads.

It replays frame-by-frame constantly. The pasty, chinless man at the piano bleating, "fo' times the STEEAAAKK-UH." The audience joining in, clapping the rhythm like he's Billy Joel in the middle of "Piano Man." The pasty pianist's head tweaking at impossible angles as he decries the deliciousness of the "quad steak." Giant images of cow meat rotating in thin air behind him as he plays, seemingly unwitting. It approaches something out of an Eli Roth movie.

Speaking of cow meat, your mom called. Just kidding. Actually this whole "four times the steak" deal started us pondering what's been going on for years in the fast food industry: steadily increasing proportion size. As just one example, if you hadn't heard already, Starbuck's coffee recently introduced a thirty ounce size to its lineup. Thirty. Ounces. Of coffee.

In the Taco Bell spot, and countless others, horrible gluttony has become somehow equated with manhood, which makes it that much harder to remove it from our collective psyche, in TIA's humble opinion. Pretty soon they'll just be offering us whole, deep-fried cows to gnaw on.

We can feel you thinking, "preachyyyy," so we'll stop getting all Green Day on you and simply bottom-line this. The ad is awful. No one eats Taco Bell dressed in formal wear, they eat it in their underwear. On the couch. We'd love it if there were a live show with your meal in fast food places for us humble folk, but that doesn't look to be happening anytime soon either.

Taco Bell did, however, come up with a jingle that successfully lodges itself in people's brains. On the business side, that's a win. It'll make people more likely to remember the product. On the normal human side, its a crime against our senses. In addition to the ones they've already committed against our mouth. We may petition the U.N. when we finish writing this.

One final note, to the YouTube user who said the Taco Bell "quad steak" jingle reminded them of Queen (yes, THAT Queen): we are going to find you. We are going to set you on fire.