No, She Doesn't Come With The Bottle.

We of the humble TIA team are all for health, and completely in favor of taking care of oneself, but when you're cobbling together an advertisement to try and sell us something that could possibly aid in that goal, we'd prefer one or two facts in there.

What we're talking about (Willis) are the three ads that POM Wonderful juice has recently cranked out. Each one looks like a terrible Calvin Klein spot, and you believe you know what you're in for. But you're wrong. Because they're selling juice. Arguably, using pseudo-artsy black and white erotica to sell fruit blood is even more horrible than using it to sell man-perfume. Its a very close tie, however.

We've been watching a lot of Hulu here at the TIA office, and of the three, the "Adam and Eve" spot is the one we're exposed to with the most frequency in between quips on Glee. Shut up, don't judge us.

It begins with the narrator (Malcolm McDowell, oddly enough) spinning the biblical yarn of Adam and Eve. We see a snake. It climbs over a basically naked woman as McDowell lets us in on the secret that, "some scholars" believe it was a pomegranate, not an apple, that Eve tempted Adam with. Just when you're recovering from that knowledge bomb, he says POM wonderful is "backed by modern science." Would that be naked snake science? Because that's all we saw.

Now, TIA sees nothing wrong with the female figure, or snakes. We simply fail to see what it has to do with juice. What it has to do with selling the juice, on the other hand, is painfully obvious. Scores upon scores of advertisements use overt sexual innuendo to push product, to the point that the most ludicrous things (like f*cking juice) are striving to become entangled with it in our subconscious. The image of an attractive naked woman, coupled with the phallic imagery (don't bitch out now) of the snake attempt to couple the arousal they hope to elicit from said images with POM wonderful juice.

We wouldn't even take issue with the depiction of a naked woman on television (it was done with some class) if it weren't for our society schizophrenically condemning sex one minute and then using it to sell junk to us the next. The proverbial sex carrot is forever dangled out of our reach, it seems, and that can screw with a person's psyche on a level they don't even realize.

Well, we hope you've enjoyed "a very special Truth In Advertising." And please report back to us on your opinions of the sexualization of the advertising world, and its societal implications. This will count for 40 percent of your grade.